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COMING OFF DRUGS: HOW THE FAMILY REACTS-CHECKLIST FOR FAMILY INTERVENTION

Many of the ideas we've put forward in this chapter may seem strange to you. But the principles do work. If you follow the suggestions you will minimise the damage that chemical dependence wreaks on those around the addict, and you will give your addict a better chance of getting well.

Here's what to do:

  1. Join Families Anonymous or Al-anon. Get support and encouragement from others in your position.
  2. Stop blaming yourself. You didn't cause the addict to get addicted. Take no notice when the addict or alcoholic blames you. He would, wouldn't he? That way he can have an excuse to go on using or drinking.
  3. Stop trying to rescue the addict or alcoholic. You can't control his addiction, and you can't cure it either. Visiting the addict in some filthy squat just to check he is still alive simply punishes you. It does not keep the addict alive. Rescue efforts are wasted efforts.
  4. Stop trying to understand the addict or the alcoholic. It's a waste of thinking time. Pondering the underlying reasons why someone becomes an addict or an alcoholic wastes energy and gets nowhere. Even the experts disagree on this one. Stop asking the unanswerable 'Why?' and start focusing on treatment.
  5. Stop threatening, nagging, coaxing, bullying, bribing, preaching or lecturing. Instead of all this, you can start letting the addict or alcoholic know how you feel in a caring way.
  6. Let the addict or alcoholic suffer the consequences of his own drug-using or drinking. That means letting him or her go downhill. But only by standing back in this way is there any chance that your addict will want to stop.
  7. Start offering the addict or alcoholic choices. 'If you want help, we'll help you. If you want to stay sick, you are on your own.'
  8. Get on with your own life. Look after your own needs and desires. Do things to make yourself happy. What's good for you is good for the addict.
  9. Start rebuilding family life. Remember that you have healthy children who need your time and love. Minimise the damage to yourself and the rest of the family.
  10. Learn about the disease. Once you do so, you can stop all that fretting about which drugs, how much, or how often. You can also stop listening to all that well-meaning advice from the ignorant, who sometimes include journalists, TV personalities and, alas, even some

well-intentioned doctors and social workers who have been conned by addicts and alcoholics.

For the Addict and the Alcoholic

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